Father's Day 2016

Today is Father's Day which also means one of the hardest days of the year for me. So strange, that just 2 years ago it would mean getting a card for Eddie and my father-in-law and of course my Dad and now it's 2 out of the 3. No calls for me to make or corny gifts for me to buy unless it's from the kids to Eddie. It has also been a tradition to have a Father's Day barbecue at Aba and Abu's house. I thought about that all week and I wasn't able to make it last year, but I was determined to make it this year. "Just suck it up Francoise, you'll be fine. After all it is not just about you, what about Eddie. You can do this, just breathe..."

So, we started the morning with breakfast in bed. It was Lucia's idea and it was very important to her that we made the kind of eggs that look like eyeballs so we could make a smiley face. There was no bacon for the mouth so we improvised with sausage. 

After breakfast, we piled in the car and headed for Aba's house. By the way, this was also V's first day facing forward in the car. A whole new world.

So, I would love to say that the rest of the day was a breeze, but it wasn't after the in-car picture was taken I started hyperventilating and I needed to get out of the car. I had to go back home. I couldn't handle everyone saying "Happy Father's Day" to their fathers knowing that mine was not around. I couldn't stand the fact that I would end up in a silent contemplative moment and begin to tear and then someone would notice and all of a sudden the day's joy would be all about my sadness. I didn't want the attention, I just wanted to be alone. I felt awful that I couldn't bring myself to go...that my kids saw me freak out and figured out why. Anyway, the rest of the day I spent alone in our home and spoke with my mom who helped to calm me down.  The rest of these photos are from Eddie's phone.

Apparently there was a pinata! You can't go wrong with a pinata and of course my son is always at the front of the pack when the candy comes raining down.

I do want to acknowledge and express my gratuity to my Edu. A great father and partner in parenthood. Hopefully, one day I will be able to celebrate with him without feeling pain. Fingers crossed.

Maybe next year...